Consider that many forms of relating are unconscious repeated patterning of our childhood. What we could understand, and what we could not.
Until the violence experienced by both mother and father are reconciled within us, transcended through compassion and returning their innocence to them, we will continue to be carriers of their unhealed pain, soliciting each person we interact with to play a part in our need to bring the inherited pain to the surface for conscious integration.
Projection and transference are ways we unconsciously include others in our need to reconcile the separation we experience within.
When we hear others attacking, we can instead attune to the pain behind the perceived attack and move into compassionate awareness that something is in need of care and consideration.
Although this inner listening is ideally for the one who has amplified their force in communication, when we are hijacked by past patterning, we are often temporarily blind to what is obvious to others. Or the patterning is so ingrained it is extremely difficult to separate the pain from oneself so as to see its origin is not self to make a better future choice.
Thus we start to become space holders for the arising of the misaligned communications and instead of adding fuel to the field between two or more people, we soften.
We become aware that all of what the others is experiencing through their form, the violence they carry in the ways they communicate, are also known in our own being.
We remember that each of us have blind spots that ideally, we recognize the need for help to see how they are creating pain and suffering for ourselves. And by holding more space for understanding and tolerance for others, recognizing we do not know what we do as a collective human species, we become empowered by love within.
When we can be held by love in ways we never received, when we can be met by others in ways that help to rewire our neural pathways to something more than we inherited, we recognize the value of also being that for others.
Communication has so many layers beyond words that are being transmitted in any given moment and to stay humbly open to not jump to any conclusions can be a wonderful practice of presence and allowing the more subtle vibrations present beyond the words themselves, to speak into the silence of being.
Violence is experienced by each of us so uniquely and what somatically generates disgust in one may not in another. So learning to become more personally responsible to include how our words may land for another, what energy we are transmitting and its potential impact, listening that we are not hypocrites in word and action, going deeper into the "why" we are communicating what we are communicating, are just some ways that we can decrease the chances that we are misperceived.
Projection and transference may always be a part of our world, but learning how to skillfully navigate this worldly hall of mirrors in ways that continue to purify us of our own projections and transference to the outside, help to heal the wounds of our own parents, our families, friends and the world.
Consider that when we have nothing to hide or resolve (guilt and shame), we have nothing to protect. We become transparent, simple, humble, kind and like children.
Who wants to hurt innocence? Those who don't see their own innocence.
Who wouldn't see their own innocence? Those who carry guilt and shame for being and doing "wrong". Those with huge inner judges and critics.
Where does violence stem from? Identity Suppression. Having to do or be what we are not. Perpetuating ideas that were inherited that we are guilty of something and that we are bad for not meeting the expectations of an outside authority. Forced acts of abuse, especially psychological.
When we see how inwardly violent psychological abuse is, how communication with violence tends towards projection of the inner violence of the judgements the communicator is experiencing, we can start to reframe our own relationship with the communicator externally and internally.
We start to grok how we are (unconsciously) prisoners to ourselves, how transference and projection of force get distorted as power and taken on as self-identification...we can start to leave the collective prison. We see it was never locked, we just had a form of Stockholm Syndrome.
Once aware, watch how the collective uses these subtle occult forces to keep each other hostage in a good/bad paradigm in which only those who have liberated themselves from this "mentality" can see the jail they had been prisoner to.
When we integrate our inheritance and become less available to be pulled into the projection and transference game, we move even closer to divine union. Relating without any tinge of violence, inner and outer, self-seen in other as self, is also love.
We become the transcenders of our familiar patterns, societal norms and remember our original wholeness before we ever believed in judgement that separates and pits brothers against brothers, self against self.
We re-member the whole in each and every micro action of impulse to act. We become closer to understanding the desire nature itself, as whole and holy, fundamental to the birth of any arising.
We act then with honor, and responsibility to the desire we have aligned with, the impulse we have followed whether to speak or/and to act on it. We recognize this impulse has a potential to create and/or destroy.
What impacts one, impacts the whole. What is the impact you choose?