This is such an important conversation to be having.
There are so many battles happening on so many fronts.
The biggest conflict I am aware of is the inner war of divine union; attacking our inner masc/Feminine unity.
All conflict for me arises from the inside moving outward.
And if there is a lack of awareness or places of deep suffering, we most likely are not embodied enough (disassociated) to see that we are projecting it outward and unconsciously inviting others to participate in it.
People who cannot see the woundedness in others as to the "why" they hurt others, have not gone deep enough into their own.
Superiority and Pride are potentially painful teachers. And people with deep trauma often live more in denial, scapegoating others to carry their pain. Even manipulating them into carrying their story of how they are "abusing" them and the scapegoating one says yes because that is their pattern, to hold for others (lessons for both people here).
Narcissism to me, is this. A deep unconsciousness to others, a lack of acceptance of the will of another. There is only MY rule and kingdom, and YOU are a servant to that (deeeeeeep childhood stuff here). Children of narcs can have absorbed some of this and act it out (I've dated 3). We all have strategies we have created to protect and boundary ourselves that may seem narcissistic to others.
People who only focus only on woundedness forget their power. They need someone to remind them, maybe a community to remind them. They also need encouragement to go deeper into themselves to the source of their own lack. Projecting it on others and scapegoating others to carry their disowned pain only prolongs the journey. And if you are a female, maybe seeking where your inner masculine is dethroned will be helpful to understand the "lack" of power.
We can deny the pain or deep pain we don't want to face exists by jumping into pleasant experiences and new relationships that minimize it. Of we don't get to the source though, on our own, I have yet to find it goes away on its own.
Find your wholeness apart from another or commit to going as deep as humanly possible and die to your ego self in real love. And look inside yourself for completion and find gratitude in the other for what they contribute.
The outer is never responsible for the inner reaction or response. Most trauma is from our childhood and most people have some form and degree of it although many can live with it or never discover it, calling their experience normal, because it is for them.
Pain is a catalyst to look for the source and heal the origin. The origin can be found in the now but does not originate in the now. Past now, integrated creates a new future now possibility.
Somewhere we must meet in the middle where the wounded are powerful and see the powerful are wounded to hold both in loving equanimity.
All pain is a call for love, but if you don't turn inward and love yourself first where it hurts, what responsibility are you teaching the world?
My desire is to see the innocence of the world restored. Heaven in Earth. To hold each person as free of past condemnation for I too know that jail and do not desire any brother and sister to stay there.
And for me that is often getting clearer that within our own personal humanity we have collectively inherited the same deep desires, wants, needs. Then freeing myself from all the ways we have been lead to believe and held prisoner to, faithful to the captors' ideas about us, desires for us, that we are something else other than who we are.
The greatest violence to me is to believe you are not worth the kingdom you inherited because of the prison someone else has condemned your innocence into. It is to believe what the captor says about you is true. Free both you and the captor by seeing you both inherited and believed the same pattern, the idea of separation from love.
Transcend your captors and free you both.