That's how loved you are
What life are you living with a huge coffin of past history unresolved (death) you're carrying around?
Unearth it. Look into it.
Light of awareness casts out all shadows.
There are certain things you CAN trust that love you.
Trust your Self. God is in you operating as the light, the seer and knower of the light, the dissolver of shadow and the integration of it all.
You need not do a thing but surrender.
That's how loved you are.